Speaking Tips for Getting Taken Seriously from a Recovering DoorMat

By Daylle Deanna Schwartz

I was still in people pleasing mode when I started a record label on a dare, one of the few women doing it at that time. I wanted to be liked by the All Boys Club and let them walk all over me at first. Slowly I learned to handle myself in ways that got me taken seriously and evolved into what I call a Nice Girl on Top.

You can be nice but still play to win. To paraphrase Teddy Roosevelt, talk softly and carry a big stick—an attitude and demeanor that says you mean business. Your speaking style makes an impact. Nerves, frustration, anger or insecurity trigger emotions in your voice that can make you feel out of control. The more you control emotions, the less they control you, and the more confident you feel. Even when nervous, you can sound confident by using these tips:

• Use words that show conviction. Express a definite intention. Sounding just hopeful for a positive response instead of expecting one doesn’t sound serious. “I’d like____. Can you get it for me?” can be, “I expect to get the ___. When will you have it?” Show you mean business! Being tentative or wishy-washy won’t generate respect, or results.
• Take deep breaths before speaking. Breathe deeply and release it slowly, to calm down. Getting flustered from nerves or stress leads to poor communication. Taking deep breaths before speaking can help you control it.
• Use a gentle but firm tone. People pleasers speak timidly and get nowhere. Women at the opposite extreme are loud or tough, which annoys people. Nice Girls on Top have a friendly manner that’s also firm about expecting results. No whining or apologetic tones! Women complain that nice gets them nowhere. You can speak nicely while sounding resolute. Speak softly but carry your big stick—a tone that says you’re serious!
• Slow down. When anxious, you may talk faster. Consciously slowing down and enunciating words offers more control and allows leeway for speeding up if emotions kick in. Speaking at high speed can make you feel nervous. Slowing down and enunciating words helps control emotions and sounds more serious, which leads to feeling more confident.
• Bring your voice down an octave. Women’s voices tend to get higher pitched from frustration or nerves, which lowers credibility if your voice gets squeaky. A quick fix? Begin speaking at a lower pitch to allow leeway if emotions make it rise. Women’s voices tend to be higher than men’s and carry less clout, even without emotions. Bringing the pitch down and speaking slower sounds more serious and gives your words more impact.

Tape yourself during phone conversations. Listen back and pay attention to when your voice rises and speeds up. Become more conscious to slowly modulate your voice. The effort will prompt people to give what you say more credence, without raising your voice!

Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, and best-selling author of 10 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill) and Start & Run Your Own Record Label (Billboard/Random House). She’s been quoted in dozens of publications including the New York Times, Cosmo and Men’s Health, and been a guest on over 300 TV and radio shows, including Oprah and Good Morning America. She also writes the popular blog, Lessons from a Recovering DoorMat.